Keiligh Baker was diagnosed with chronic myeloid leukemia three years ago when she was only 27 years old. Keiligh had been in a relationship with her boyfriend for seven months at the time of her diagnosis. Although her boyfriend didn't leave her because of her illness, their relationship came to an end in January of this year. Keiligh found herself single again. Determined to find love again, Keiligh's own experience made her particularly interested in how cancer patients, a special group, navigate the world of love. In the UK alone, dozens of young people aged 20-30 are diagnosed with cancer every day. Keiligh reached out to several young patients to hear about the challenges and experiences they faced in their romantic journeys.
Emily: "Love Boldly"
Her advice to cancer patients in love is to love boldly but don't forget the changes in your mindset.
Emily, 29, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016. Four years later, while her condition remained stable, the side effects of treatment left her physically and emotionally exhausted. Of course, there was also the hair loss caused by chemotherapy. During the COVID-19 pandemic, Emily summoned the courage to try online dating. She uploaded a pre-chemotherapy photo, and online dating progressed smoothly until one day a man wanted to meet her in person. Emily panicked at the thought of her hair loss. While she was anxious and distressed, she received a text message from the man saying that he had shaved his head because his hair was thinning. This eased Emily's tension, and she quickly replied, "Me too!"
Emily and her boyfriend dated for a while, but eventually ended due to her mental health issues. Emily said that the side effects of cancer treatment and fears of recurrence could completely change a person. Therefore, her advice to cancer patients in love is to love boldly but don't forget the changes in your mindset.
Kelly: "Online Dating Saved My Life"
26-year-old Kelly met her boyfriend Tom through the dating app Hinge. Interestingly, it was Tom who discovered a lump on Kelly's breast and urged her to see a doctor. Kelly said she owed Tom a lot. Otherwise, she wouldn't have noticed it. Doctors diagnosed Kelly with stage three breast cancer, which meant the tumor was large and could spread to surrounding tissues.
Kelly said that if it weren't for Tom, she might not be alive today, and online dating saved her life. Kelly and Tom have now transitioned from lovers to friends. However, after treatment, Kelly gained weight and lost hair, feeling that she was no longer attractive, so she dared not date. Kelly said, how do you explain getting breast cancer at 25 to someone else? Kelly is not currently considering dating, but she said she sometimes feels very lonely.
Neil: "Deeper Communication"
Neil, 28, was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 25. Neil said he used to be full of confidence, but cancer changed everything. Neil underwent surgery and subsequently received treatments such as radiotherapy and steroids. Hair loss and weight gain made Neil lose confidence in himself. Due to a lack of confidence, several dates ended in failure. But this also prompted Neil to join a cancer support group, which provides cancer patients with dating advice and tips. Neil learned many practical tips from it, including choosing nearby dating venues, not dressing up for every date but treating each date as practice. Also, on the first date, you can tell the other person about your cancer diagnosis, but then change the subject and ask them a question. This often opens up the other person.
If there's a second date, you can reveal a bit more detail. Neil said that this way, deeper communication can be established between each other.
Kristy: "Clearing the Rubbish"
31-year-old Kristy was diagnosed with bone cancer in August last year. She is still undergoing treatment and is expected to complete it in October. She worried that no one would be interested in her after her diagnosis. Before, Kristy had golden hair. But treatment changed everything, and her golden hair disappeared, as did her muscles. More importantly, her mood changed. Before getting sick, Kristy enjoyed dating. After the lockdown measures during the pandemic, she decided to conduct a little experiment. Kristy set up a profile on the dating website Bumble and uploaded a photo of herself with a bald head to see how many responses she would get. The results were somewhat unexpected for her, as Kristy received almost as many responses. She described it as "clearing the rubbish" for her.
Now, Kristy's hair has grown back, and she plans to take down that bald photo. But she said she didn't want to hide the truth about cancer because it made her feel uncomfortable.
Keiligh: "Deeply Inspired"
Returning to BBC reporter Keiligh herself, after talking to the young people mentioned above, Keiligh was also inspired and encouraged. Keiligh said that cancer changes many things, including how you view yourself. Fighting against the disease is undoubtedly painful and lonely. It makes you feel too busy dealing with treatment and various side effects every day to have time for love. But Keiligh said that finding someone who likes you is still very beautiful because it allows you to live like a normal person. Keiligh told her date about her cancer diagnosis in the first video date.
To Keiligh's surprise, the other party did not flinch at all, and they have already arranged for a second date...